my family shit talks about me (fondly)
I am so so grateful to have a close bond with my immediate family. I visit my mom at least once a week, I get dinner with my brother weekly or bi-weekly, etc. But i know for a fact they are talking shit behind my back.
Not anything I care too deeply about, but its the fact that they are that makes me wonder sometimes.
I made a cake yesterday for my mom's birthday and overall it was pretty mid by my standards. The cake was too dense, the mousse too thick, and not enough of an osmanthus flavor that I wanted. HOWEVER, since I like being dramatic and oversharing, I was telling my siblings about my despair for the prior days since my baking process was going horribly. I was saying shit like, "God is dead". So, last night after we were blowing out candles and finally tasting the cake, my sweet family said it was really yummy! They even took the leftover cake home and said I should bake something similar for my niece's birthday.
I just cant help but wonder, what were they really thinking. I know the cake was mid, I know my family loves and cares for me and my feelings, and I know they shit talk about me. I wonder what they were really thinking about this damn cake.
Same with all my other decisions.
I consider my adolescent years pretty strict and thus I learned I had to lie to get away with anything fun. Since becoming an adult and moving out from my family, I try not to lie about my activities and plans. My family no longer has any real leverage against me to bend me towards their wishes. But, as all parents will, they continued to nag me about this and that.
However, I recently noticed that their nagging has quieted a lot. I'm pretty sure it's because they know the more they nag the more I tend to pull away/ share less. I am fine with the arrangement we have now. I love my family so dearly. But now that they are no longer telling me all their thoughts to my face, I cant help but wonder what they say.
Some conversations they have about me, I'm aware of:
My mom knows I have a super strong love of food and a lot of happiness from my life comes from enjoying yummy food. However, she fears I am wasting money. However, she cares for me and wants me to be happy.
My entire family thinks I talk too loud and too much. And that I waste money on food lol.
I know I can have the best of both worlds. Knowing what they say about me and being shielded from nagging. I like my family dynanmic as it is, but i just can't help but wonder what they say about me anyway.